How is Grace doing?

Much better.

I still have bad days, but on the whole the combination of lots of prayer, medication and counseling has worked wonders. The warmer weather has helped immensely as well. I love springtime.

Recently God has been doing a lot of work in my life, both in terms of making me resolve hurts from the past and also in dealing with significant heart issues.

Several weeks ago, during communion God confronted me with an issue I didn't even know I had. I realized that I tend to be cynical and jaded and expect God to disappoint me. After the initial surprise, I confessed and asked God to help me to have the heart of a child, to expect Him to come through.

The next day, a co-worker told of us of a house to rent in Elmira. After initially dismissing the idea, we prayed about it, and sensed God telling us to check it out. The house was perfect. It was exactly what we were looking for, and had all the characteristics of my dream house. However, it was much more than we could afford. God had to come through in a big way for us to get this house.

Well, God decided that this wasn't the house for us and we didn't get the money. That was extremely hard for me. I cried a lot. I felt so abandoned by God. I felt set up by God, that He made me let down my guard only to hurt me. I spent a week trying to figure out what was going on, and feeling extremely hurt by God.

Yesterday, a fellow missionary was sharing in my mom's group. She shared how there were times when she felt so lonely and so abandoned by God, but when she looks back now, she sees how his timing was perfect. And as she shared, I heard God saying "See, I haven't abandoned you. Wait and be patient".

I have no clue as to what God is doing, but I am once again confident that He is in control and has good plans for my life (Jer. 29:11).