Deep Thoughts from Grace

I find it interesting how random conversations cause me to evaluate my faith. On the weekend, I called up a friend of mine to see how she’s doing. It turns out that she’s going through a rough time — she’s 37 weeks pregnant and has been diagnosed with pancreatitis. She’s been in and out of the hospital, been on heavy-duty painkillers, and been told that she may die. My friend is devout believer, although not in Christ. As our conversation turned to other things, we began to talk about how things in our world don’t make sense. After expressing my questions with why God allows things to happen, my friend gently rebuked me. In her faith, God allows bad things to happen both as a test and as a way to remove sin. Therefore it isn’t okay to question God, but instead trials need to be met with patience.

After getting off the phone with my friend, I began to think through what she had said. Her words had convicted me as I’m not very patient. I tend to meet trials with frustration and dismay; certainly not with patience and the expectation that God is working in me. Then I began to sift through her words to pull out the things that didn’t mesh with my worldview. As a follower of Christ, I believe that my sins have been paid for. I do not believe that God uses pain to remove my sins. Instead, I believe that God uses trials to mold my character into one more pleasing to Him (Romans 5:3-5).

I then started to reflect on God’s love for me. He doesn’t allow me to go through anything that I can’t handle (1Cor.10:13). In fact, not only does He assure me that He has good plans for my life (Jer. 29:11), He also reassures me that bad things are part of His plan and that He works all things in my life, pleasant and otherwise, together for good (Romans 8:28). All through the Bible, I find examples of people who went through bad times and questioned God. Yet in the end, they were able to see that God was working things for good.

I’m convinced that one of the reasons Jesus came to earth was so that He can understand what it’s like to be human. Because of that, I believe that God understands our questions in the face of trials. God is infinite, He sees the beginning and the end. Besides, He’s the author and the perfector of our faith — not only does He see all of our journey, He’s also is in charge of it. We see only small parts of whole story, and are often not in control of what is happening in our lives at all.

Over the last several months several things have impacted my life in a big way. They have brought much grief and turmoil to my life. However, as much as I question God over why they happened, I still know that He is in control. In one such situation, I am slowly seeing God at work, bringing about healing and restoration. It is awesome to see how He uses horrible situations to bring good. Yet there is still much pain left from this situation that I don’t understand. Why did God allow it to happen? How is He going to use it for good? With tears and anguish I bring those questions to God and attempt to cling to His promises.

Once again, our financial situation is causing me to question God. If we don’t have enough money coming in to pay the bills, Steve will need to get a job elsewhere. Several times a year, we start wondering if he’ll need to start looking. I know that God will provide all of my needs (Phil. 4:19). Not only is this a promise I can claim, it’s also something I’ve seen happen time after time. As much as I rejoice in God’s provision, I do not enjoy the uncertainty that waiting on Him entails.

I am privileged to be a part of what God is doing with and through IT. Neither Steve nor I feel called to leave, although life would most likely be less stressful. I don’t understand what God is doing. I don’t know why things continue to be uncertain. But I will continue to claim His promises and to rejoice in the fact that God loves me.

Please pray that I will be open to God’s work in my life, even when it comes through tough circumstances. Please also pray that I will continue to learn to be patient.