Grace's Space

The word "Christmas" brings to mind many different pictures. I see platters of beautifully decorated and oh-so-delicious cookies, beautifully decorated trees in wonderfully decorated (and CLEAN) living rooms, gorgeously wrapped presents and elegant Christmas cards. I love the sights, sounds and smells of Christmas. However, these are things that don't happen at my house. My cookies are in containers where children can't get them easily, and I got those from a cookie exchange (mine weren't decorated, but they are yummy!). My tree has been knocked over four times. Or maybe it's been five, I can't really remember...Said tree has been lovingly decorated by my children and then "re-decorated". Although it does have ornaments on it, all non-breakable, it has also housed my son's sock and a toy bat.

My house has a few Christmas decorations, but is far from clean. Presents will be wrapped by my talented husband and set out shortly before the children are allowed out of bed on Christmas morning. As for cards, they just don't happen. I like to tell myself I'm being environmentally responsible:)

In case you can't guess, the word I'm struggling with this Christmas is inadequate. There is a lot that challenges me on a daily basis. I'm not a good housekeeper. I'm learning and getting better, but it's a struggle. Wrapping presents is much too complicated for me. If you've received a present I've wrapped, you know what I'm talking about. Then there are the things that I just have to accept as part of this stage of life. I have small children, who like to touch and get into things. They are more important than a pretty house and tree. But the most challenging are the new limitations.

I have been pregnant before at Christmas, but this is the first Christmas I've been very pregnant. As my belly becomes bigger, there is less that I can do. The things that I love and excel at (shopping and baking) are things that I do not have enough energy to do. Letting go of the few things that I do well challenges my sense of self-worth.

My daughter has been going through a phase where she freaks out and tells us she's a bad person. As we have talked through that many many times, I am reminded what Christmas is about. We are celebrating God's gift to us because we are inadequate. Jesus didn't come to earth just to say hi, or get a feel for what being human is all about. Rather His ultimate purpose has been to meet a need that we cannot fill. No matter how much I try and how good I am, it still isn't good enough for heaven. So right now, as I'm seeing all the ways that I'm failing, I remember that Jesus is my perfection and my completion. And as I turn to Him and ask for His strength, grace, righteousness, etc, He fills me and makes me better than I can be on my own. That's all the Christmas presents I need right there.

Wishing you many blessings,
Grace